MTG Survival Guide (first of an unknown number of parts)
By: Carlo Francisco Adajar



A few words of warning: If you are allergic to corn or any corn products, it would be wise to click the Back button on your browser, as this second issue of Common Nonsense may contain some corny puns and jokes. If you do suffer from the aforementioned allergies, and still stubbornly proceed to read this fine article, I shall take no responsibility for any severe allergic reactions that may result from foolishly throwing caution to the wind. Also, if you have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, or an irrational fear of big words such as this one, you may as well avoid this or any future issues of Common Nonsense, as the exorbitant quantity of difficult words may drive you insane. However, if you are not part of the groups of people whom I have warned, then by all means proceed, and partake of the wonders that Common Nonsense has to give you.

I remember perfectly well that I promised an article on traveler’s tips to those who have proven themselves eligible for such a reward. However, after some careful thought, I have decided that it would be best to broaden the topic to include every aspect of MTG survival. This decision of mine would hurt the brevity of my article, something I have labored to sustain, but if you have any animadversions or hate mail to send through e-mail or snail mail, I would like to discourage such displays of protest, as they are downright pointless. Why? 1) If you read the description of my article, you should have seen the warning that brevity is not my virtue. 2) The length would be good for readers, as it can store more information and better elaborate on crucial points that I am trying to make, and 3) I doubt that 90% of the readers know my e-mail address or postal address anyway. If you still do feel that my articles need to be cut down to size, you might as well address the problem to me personally. Use radar or homing devices to track me down if necessary, and make sure that they are not pirated. For best results, buy from a well-known hardware store.

Reading between the lines (and not seeing double in the process) should bring you to the conclusion that the first two paragraphs of this issue, as well as the first issue itself were only written for humorous purposes. They were meant for people who have ample time to spare for a good chuckle, but they can be skipped altogether by those who came here looking for practical MTG survival advice. If that is what you came here for, then skip to the next paragraph. For those who enjoyed the humor found in the previous sections, fear not, it is still subtly present.

Part 1: Saturday Training Sessions

This is the first phase of the training program, where outstanding performers are separated from those who have the talent, but need to sharpen their skills a bit. During this phase, the trainees pick up new skills as well as sharpen old ones. It is only three hours long, but remember, three hours is the same as 180 minutes, or 10,800 seconds. Anything could happen within this period of time. It is also held on Saturday mornings, so trainees must be willing to sacrifice some of their weekend. Don’t worry, this Saturday training is the most distant thing from boring. You will make new friends, and possibly meet some old ones, and have learning math presented in a fun formula. (You won’t have to sweat anymore on your next Math exam as well.)

I will present to you, in bullet form, some advice, which if followed, will make every three-hour session a rewarding experience.

·Make as many new friends as possible. Believe me, they will help you enjoy your training experience. They will talk to you, be good company, and join you in mischief (but please, don’t try to pull tricks on your teachers!). These are very good ways to make friends:

·If you have one, bring a cellular phone so that you can get the numbers of your friends, allowing you to keep in touch outside of MTG. It is also a top prankster’s tool, with new capers invented every minute. Think brain-busting ringtones and prank missed calls.

·Listen carefully to the lessons and do the exercises so that come quiz time, your band of conspirators will not have to keep texting you the answers. Save your load for emergencies (or other unscrupulous purposes). You would also be able to make friends by teaching people who do not get the lesson as well as you do.

·Watch the GBA (Game Boy Advance) crowd as they may have valuable gaming tips to give you. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions, even the most elementary questions. You will find answers that even the most renowned walkthroughs lack.

·If you know how to play many common card games, join in and make lots of new friends. Some people I know even trade cards to win, redefining the term “trading card game” in a way that even Pokémon was unable to.

·Learn a couple of good jokes and riddles. If you have Megaman Battle Network 3 for the GBA, install the “Humor” program and press the L button to get a few good laughs.

·Don’t be afraid to ask questions if you don’t understand something. Your kind and knowledgeable teachers would be more than willing to accept such enthusiasm. Of course, the questions must be lesson-related, and must be answerable, not just plain products of boredom or insanity.

·If you still don’t understand after the session, ask your parents, older siblings, or your Math teacher. You can also do some research on your own. I would recommend Modern Algebra and Trigonometry: Third Edition by Elbridge P. Vance for high school students, and Princeton Review: Math Smart Junior for elementary school students.

·If you have an older sibling in MTG, ask him/her for tips. He/she would be happy to generously impart his/her knowledge onto you.

·Before you attend, have a disposition to learn and an open mind, as well as a love for math.

Obedience to these tips would guarantee an enjoyable experience in MTG. Don’t forget to have fun, and hope you will make it to the next phase of the training program: The In-House Training. For tips regarding that, please refer to the next issue, or the next 10,000 words that I shall write for the website.

I also have here a sample joke from Megaman Battle Network 3. However, if you are afraid of bathtubs or of drowning, you might as well stop reading at this point. Otherwise, here it goes:

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub.
I’m dwowning!


Carlo Francisco Adajar, or Paco as he is more commonly reffered to, is a grade 7 student from Southridge School. He has represented the Philippines in four international competitions and has dreams of taking over the world.